


Safe

by aroacejeanprouvaire



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-09-03 19:02:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8726542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aroacejeanprouvaire/pseuds/aroacejeanprouvaire
Summary: Usually Philip is good at being cool for other people, but sometimes he needs a little bit of help dealing with everything. Lukas is learning how to give that help.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [foreignconstellations](https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreignconstellations/gifts).



A lot of the time they’re okay. Sometimes they’re not. Sometimes just Lukas isn’t; he’s less used to dealing. There’s been a few times where Philip has woken him up because he was thrashing around fearfully in his sleep, or sent him songs to listen to, to calm him down, or taken his hand and whispered “we’re safe, we’re safe, we’re safe” (and they are, now. They’re safe). Mostly Philip ends up stroking Lukas’s arms, telling him “focus on me, you’re okay”, or finding him some concrete problem that they can fix together.

Lukas is trying to learn to calm down on his own, the way he suspects Philip does. Or at least, the way Philip usually does.

This time Philip can’t. He’s sitting on the edge of his bed, leaning forwards with his elbows pressing into his legs and his face in his hands. Lukas doesn’t entirely know what’s happening, except that Philip was okay a few minutes ago, and now he isn’t.

Lukas sits beside him and Philip moves his hands away from his face for a second, or tries to, but goes straight back to how he was.

Lukas feels entirely out of his depth, but he tries to think what Philip would do, what Philip has done for him so many times now.

“Hey, are you okay?” It’s a silly question, he knows that, because it’s pretty clear that the answer is ‘no’, but he wasn’t sure where else to start. Philip shakes his head slightly, so Lukas says, “Okay, that’s okay.”

He moves to put an arm around Philip but Philip flinches away from him. That’s never happened before and Lukas feels even more lost, but more than that he just hates knowing Philip must be feeling terrible.

It occurs to Lukas that maybe if he’s never seen this before maybe it’s something Philip is used to dealing with alone and would prefer to be left alone for. He doesn’t like the idea of leaving Philip like this, but he asks gently anyway. “Do you want me to go? Would you rather be alone right now?”

Philip shakes his head again, more emphatically this time. He takes one hand away from his face and grabs Lukas’s arm.

Lukas tentatively covers Philip’s hand with his own and says, “Okay, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

They lace their fingers together - it’s become a kind of habit at this point, whenever their hands touch - and Philip whispers, “Sorry.”

Lukas squeezes his hand. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, Philip, it’s alright.”

Philip leans into him a little. Lukas wants to pull him closer but he isn’t sure what’s okay to do right now. He asks quietly, “Want to lean on me? We could sit up against the headboard, or we can stay here, or whatever you like.”

After a moment Philip turns towards Lukas, but keeps his eyes down. He whispers, “Sorry, I’m… talking is…”

“Talking is hard? It’s okay, you don’t have to. I usually talk enough for both of us anyway. Do you want to sit up at the end of the bed though? It might be more comfy.”

Philip thinks for a second and then nods. So Lukas shifts up to sit against the headboard and let’s Philip follow at his own pace. He tries not to anticipate where Philip will sit and let him go wherever he’s comfortable. Philip ends up close beside him, with his head on Lukas’s chest. So touching seems pretty much to be alright again, that’s good to know, and it’s good to have Philip close to him, because that’s the easiest way he knows to comfort someone in most situations.

He keeps his voice low. “Want to listen to music?”

Philip shrugs, then shakes his head.

“Want food, or a drink, or anything?”

Philip shakes his head again and presses his face into Lukas’s chest.

Lukas can’t quite get himself to stop talking. With every other person in his life he’s gone silent when he feels uncertain, but around Philip he’s always talked when he’s nervous, and right now he’s nervous that he’s going to get this wrong and make things worse instead of better, and the words just keep coming out of his mouth.  
“Even though we’re safe now sometimes I feel like he’s going to be in the next room, or walking past me somewhere, or… I don’t know, I just get scared even though there’s no reason to. Or I feel like I’m in the cabin, like that moment is just repeating over and over. I don’t know if it’s the same for you. I don’t know-“

He breaks off suddenly because Philip has whispered something into his chest and he’s missed it completely.

“Philip? Sorry, I didn’t catch that. Can you say it again?”

Philip is all tense against him, and one of his hands is gripping the fabric of Lukas’s shirt. “I…” He takes a breath. “It’s not that.”

“Not…?”

“The cabin. It’s not… I’m not thinking about that right now. It’s… I was thinking about something from before. Before I came to Tivoli.”

“Oh, okay. That’s okay.” Lukas forgets, sometimes, that Philip went through a whole lot of shit before they met. Philip doesn’t really talk about it. “Sorry that whatever it was made you feel so bad.”

“It’s okay.” Philip shifts a little, let’s himself relax a bit more, his head falling back to Lukas’s chest while he strokes his hand up and down on Lukas’s sleeve. It’s what he does when he’s calming Lukas down, but now Lukas wonders if doing it calms Philip down too. “I’m okay now, I think.”

“You are okay. Or, you’re safe. I promise you’re safe.”

Philip nods, then closes his eyes. He lets more of his body overlap with Lukas’s, lets himself lean on him more heavily. “Can we stay here for a bit?”

Lukas wraps his arm around Philip, pulls him in tighter. “Sure. As long as you want.”


End file.
